As time goes on and writing styles change, so too does what we write about or what we want to write about. That is where the silence comes in. When things are good, we have nothing to talk about. When things are bad, we are ashamed to talk about it. Why? Because the world is full of assholes. When we post the good, there are those who make snarky comments to bring us down. When things are bad, people are there to judge and mock us. Both of these things suck. But this is the reality of a narcissistic society that thinks only about themselves and not the implications of their actions, but more than that their words.
Why do I say this, well here’s the thing. A day in the life of me is something that is never the same. Even when my days should mirror each other, they do not. When that is the case, I do my best to move beyond what is or has happened and start over. If you throw into that mix diabetes, things can be even more interesting. Below are three pictures of my life from the past three months. One day I was sick, one day all was right with the world, and one day my body decided it was cured and the actual insulin from my pump was out to get me.
Each day, I do the same thing, eat the same breakfast, and get different results. This can be tiresome, mentally taxing, and just plain annoying. Thankfully, though I am equipped to handle this, more or less, but there are just some days when I make shit up. Today, is Ash Wednesday, it is a day of Fast and Abstinence for myself and other Catholics. Normally, when I am low I treat with M&M’s or Peanut Butter Cups, etc. Yes I know chocolate is something that takes forever to treat lows, but it makes me happy to eat. Today though when I dropped I was torn, I mean I can use the medical excuse to waive the fast/abstinence or I can come up with another plan. So I am Hershey Kisses, my least favorite of the chocolates I had available to me. So I was still suffering.
But here’s the thing at least for me, I can handle things. This is not me bragging or saying I am better than anyone, but it is the reality of where I am right now. Things were worse for me in my teens and could be worse for me as I hit the 25 years/30 years/40 years with diabetes mark. Right now things are good, so I am riding it out as long as I can. I have it “easy” right now.
The intro was the buildup to another story. If you know me, you should know that I am single and will never be married or have children. But the reality of this situation is there is another part of me, in which I “have three children”. WAIT, STOP, KEEP READING, for those of you that really know me, you know I have many friends in the DOC and one of which is probably my best friend, her husband, and their three kids. I have pretty much been adopted into this family, and really am the bat shit crazy uncle, that they thankfully like to deal with.
A few weeks back, I was visiting my friends and the reality struck me really hard how different things are for me, who is someone who has type-1 and my friend whose kids all have type-1. I am responsible for me and me alone and while I fuck up often, I have decent balance. Yet when you travel and visit people who have type-1 themselves or a kid or kids with type-1 you begin to notice how easy you have it. I mean at least that is what I did.
Growing up things were easier for me, NPH and R in the morning followed by NPH and R at night. I never used Lantus. I eventually transitioned to NPH and Humalog/Novolog, but that was it. That was all I worried about. Testing was infrequent, but I was stupid. However, what happens when you add type-1 times 3, plus pumps, plus meters, plus cgm’s, and everything else associated with that? What I noticed was pure chaos at times.
This is not a jab at my friend mind you, it is a reality of things. No strips, out of insulin, bad site, bad sensor, grumpy dexcom, etc…. the list goes on. If you add to the list the multiple questions of did you test and bolus/dose, where’s your meter, did you check your pump, how much insulin do you have left, what was your last number, I am not seeing numbers on Dexcom, no/yes you can’t/can eat that you are too high/low and my favorite how the hell did you leave the house without your pump I am assuming you didn’t dose for breakfast like you said you did? It’s bad enough when I am handling me, but let’s multiply that by three kids. Even with one past the “moody teen years”, there is still that ongoing dialogue and conversation.
The thing is it puts my life into a different perspective and how “easy” I have things. I am responsible for me and only me. I applaud those parents who have kids with type-1, I see why there are times when you want to take your pillow and give their faces a nice long hug.
But back to the beginning of things, back to where I started, with the advent of social media, with blogs, with the various sites and stuff we interact with in the DOC, we need to realize something. Each thing is an accomplishment and should be applauded, even if the thing to applaud is my kid snuck all my alcohol/all my chocolate and made it through the night. It is still something. We can’t judge other’s we don’t know the full story. There is so much more going on in the background. Being nice is easier said than done, but it should not be. Living “perfectly” with diabetes is easier said than done, one wrong thing and all goes to shit.
That’s weird, this was not supposed to be a soapbox post, it was honestly going to be a damn I have it easy compared to some, especially parents of those with type-1. But what’s written is written, and if you don’t like it. Close your browser window.