Jumping

I thought this title made sense when I typed it. But now, I am not sure if it actually is the proper title. But as I mentioned yesterday when I wrote, I doubt I am going to change things. I am committed at this point or need to be.

In roughly the past 10 years I seem to have issues with retaining my endocrinologist. I am not sure if I ever wrote about the fact that I am on another new endocrinologist. I have lost one to teaching opportunities in Pennsylvania. One for research studies in the California area. I lost my all time favorite a few years back when the practice I was going to dropped my insurance, and she left the practice and her new practice did not take my insurance either. So, I am now on my current one, but I think I may lose her as well. This time though I think it’s because of my own choice.

When my last endo, who I liked a lot as well left the practice for other things, I was assigned to my current Endo. In our first visit together, I thought that she might be worth the hour drive to Clifton for my periodic visits. After today, I am not so sure anymore. It’s not that she was bad. I just didn’t like the fit this time around. I chalked some of the awkwardness in our last meetup with the fact that we were both new to each other. This time not so much.

After being left waiting in the little room for about 30 minutes my doctor finally walks in. She’s not even sitting yet and is already rattling off things from my blood work. Your a1c was … which is different than last visits … Your cholesterol is great, it actually went down … things like this. Your thyroid numbers look good, it looks like the alternating doses is working for you. (no shit, it has been for years). Kidney function checks out, urine looks good. Realizing she didn’t mention Vitamin D, I guess my plan of telling people my doctor told me I had to go play outside worked.

Once we got through with that, we chatted a bit. I mean all health related, but it just felt awkward the entire time. My last doctor and I chatted. We talked technology, pumps, etc. she’s like your basal seems to be working your fasting glucose was 111. That was the entire technology discussion.

She decided that every 4 months worked well for me, since that’s what the old endo did. Asked if I needed any refills, I told her no. But also that I was coming up on year one of my pump in August and would probably need a form filled out for pump supplies. That was it.

I mean I shouldn’t care, since I more or less handle things my own and have a pretty good grasp of things. In the 4ish years I was with my last endo (I keep wanting to type ortho for some reason, but I digress), he’s helped me with one basal adjustment that I missed for random late night rises. Otherwise, we chatted for a few minutes. Took care of what we needed to do.

So now I am on the edge of the precipice. Do I stay or jump? Finding an good endocrinologist is not easy. When I got reassigned to my current location, I was willing to drive the 60ish minutes back to Clifton for my endo, because he felt worth it to me. Today while driving home, I am not so sure anymore. Do I jump or stay? This is a hard choice.

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My friend shared this on my wall 5 minutes ago. Perfect timing.

I don’t have a title yet

I have felt the call to write something these past few weeks, but I am not quite sure where that call will take me just yet. In fact, while it most likely will not change, I originally titled this post, “I don’t have a title yet”. That’s the funny thing with my writing, I let my mind take the reins of this horse and just pray that it dances the proper side of the dirty mind pool.

I think the desire to write today or possibly tomorrow if I get distracted and do not finish this thought comes from my desire to bring a little spark into my life. I am not bragging right now, but the proverbial diabetes gods have been nice to me lately. So there have been no exciting developments or changes in my life. I am grateful that things have been pretty much in my imagined range with a few hiccups as always along the way.

Without cursing myself, which I am sure I just did, I am grateful for the fact that in the past x months, I think I may be close to a year or more my sleep has been good and there have been no major issues of waking up drenched in a cold sweat trying to convince my hands that all they need to do is grab the bottle of glucose tabs on my nightstand and put them in my mouth. Not all over the bed, floor, my face (not in my mouth of course) and anywhere else my hands choose to fling those life saving tablets.

I guess that’s a good thing. A few weeks back I was down at the annual Friends for Life Conference in Orlando. I got to hang out with some of my friends, got to pick on Kerri and Scott, etc. It was good. It was fun. I mean I got to see Donald, so that was pretty bad ass.

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I was hoping to get something out of this conference. But nothing. So maybe I am in burnout. But I don’t feel burnt out. Maybe I am just in autopilot mode. I don’t really care. I was hoping something would inspire me to do something. Nope. So I am going to continue as I am.

I am happy, I am healthy, I have an endo appointment. I am not expecting any surprises. So status quo. I guess that’s fine.

I end this very melancholy, no title post with this picture. I currently have a priest in training in residence with me. He made brownies. He than proceeded to cut a piece out of the center and started eating it. I actually yelled at him, that this is not the fucking way to eat brownies and he took a second piece to somewhat balance it out. But seriously, who the fuck does that??

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Word of the Day – Day 5

Shananigator

That right there could be my entire post for the day. It sums me up in one word. Normally I tell people I am indescribable or possibly just fucking weird.

But let’s look at today’s topic.

Lets wrap up the week by sharing a little more about ourselves, beyond the chronic illness we or our loved ones live with.  Share an interest, hobby, passion, something that is YOU.  If you want to explore how it relates to or helps with diabetes you can.   Or let it be a part of you that is completely separate from diabetes, because there is more to life than just diabetes!  (This topic is a suggestion from the 2016 #DBlogWeek survey.)

I periodically recycle this pic when I have nothing else to say, so I think it applies to yesterday as well.

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This post wasn’t difficult to write, but I was still delayed in it’s writing. Internet went sporadic on Thursday afternoon and it took the better part of a day for company to fix the issue. So anytime we had bandwidth, I was actually working.

There are many ways in which to say who I am. But honestly, I am not the one to say them. This is not a false humility thing. It is a reality of who I am. If you were to ask any person who meets me to describe me, you would get the answer of “Sarcastic” after that, the explanation of who I am varies from person to person, based on our interactions.

If nothing else, I like to think I am normal and calm. But the reality is, I am multiple levels of odd mixed with uniqueness and bizarreness. I am awkward, yet awkwardly funny. I am horrible in groups of people I don’t know, that is really where the awkward escapes and embarrasses me. I am a weird friend with quirks.

Honestly, that is a touch of who I am. I am a cyclist, a hiker, and ultimate frisbee player. I am a gamer, a reader, and a pro napper.

I am many things. Each of these things makes me, me. The one thing my friends do not lump into their descriptions of me, is a person with type-1 diabetes. They know, but it is not who I am. Yes, over the years type-1 has shaped me, but the reality is, I do not let it define me. So, I do not let my friends use it to define me either. It is a part of who I am. But I never let it rule me or anything like that.

So this is me in a nutshell and me going off to get some waffles.

Waffles – Day 4

Weird topic header right?? I’ll get to that in a second. Today’s writing prompt is great. So much so, I did it on Tuesday. However, here it is again.

Today let’s revisit a prompt from 2014 – May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?

Anyway, I am veering slightly again. First off, sorry it took me so long to start today’s post my internet went down earlier today and this is the best I’ve had in over 6 hours. Plus earlier, I was recovering from a low. Anyway on to my title.

I figured I would wildcard it today. Since I am PERFECT, I have no bloopers to share. Instead I will talk about waffles.

Channeling my inner Genie from Aladdin, this is no ordinary post on waffles. It does have a valid point, which I will get to in a second.

I always have Eggo waffles on hand, they are an all purpose food. In fact because I was too lazy to go food shopping for the past week, I have had waffle lunches, dinners, breakfasts, snacks. And it is so good.

But here is why I love waffles, they work for you on so many levels. Think about it each waffle is 13.5g or a serving is 27g. Let’s say you are low, mind you yes you need to wait for them to cook, but you make a waffle, put some jelly on it, and now you have roughly 20g of carbs in your system, both fast acting from the jelly/jam and the “longer” acting carbs from the actual waffle. I feel it’s a good balance.

They are consistent in size, shape, taste, etc. But things get even better if you want, think about it. Let’s say you need to get something in as a snack before bed, you put peanut butter on it and now you have something that will last longer in your system if you are worried about anything happening at night.

They are the perfect delivery food for whatever you need, plus at least for me they taste damn good, hell I even eat them plain.

If you are still with me, obviously this is my own opinion and my own obvious WILDCARD, but the reality is, we all have that comfort food that is something we can eat consistently and get the results we need, which takes some of the stress off of everything else. When we talk about our own mental health we need those gimmes, while obviously this is not a “free food”, it is something I am familiar with. So I singe the joys of my waffles for breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime snack, low treatment, or just my reward for making it to Friday.

Have a good day, stay sane. Have a waffle on me.

YOU DID THIS! – Day 3

I don’t like this topic. I am not a fan of this suggestion. It’s a good one, but it’s not me.

Today’s we are told:

Having diabetes often makes a visit to the doctor a dreaded experience, as there is invariably bad news of one kind or another.  And sometimes the way the doctor talks to you can leave you feeling like you’re at fault.  Or maybe you have a fantastic healthcare team, but have experienced blame and judgement from someone else in your life – friend, loved one, complete stranger.  Think about a particularly bad instance, how that person talked to you, the words they used and the conversation you had.  Now, the game part.  Let’s turn this around.  If you could turn that person into a puppet, what would you have them say that would leave you feeling empowered and good about yourself?   Let’s help teach people how to support us, rather than blame us!

We all hate the confusion, we all hate the stereotypes, we all hate the misinformation that is out there. I mean even now, with comments in the media that seems to place the blame on the person for getting diabetes. It’s ridiculous.

Yet, I am not going to share a story, I am not going to justify today’s post with a story. There is the ongoing reality out there that people will have to work on diffusing misinformation. But we as a community are not the only ones who face this issue. I mean if I get lung cancer, people will assume it’s because I was a smoker, but the reality is I never smoked a day in my life. People are always going to draw their own conclusions. I think the bigger thing that we as a community need to do, is have that willingness to inform the misinformed. But I think the bigger thing is that we can’t get angry, we can’t get overwhelmed, we can’t let it get us down. There is lot’s of stupid to fight. If maybe today we just can’t, there is always tomorrow.

Honestly, I think this is the bigger issue. Not dwelling on the past, the past is done. Instead work towards ending that stupid.

It Starts Again

It’s funny the past few months the little voice hasn’t wanted to come out. It hasn’t wanted to write. I tell myself it’s been a long time. I should write something. The normal conversation transpires at this point. What do … Continue reading

The Day of the Ride

August 13th, 2016

Dear Diary,

Let’s be honest, the pretense of my writing a diary is shot at this point. It barely lasted through the first day. Now there is no way it was going to last through this post. But at least I tired. I stayed committed even though I didn’t want to  be.

Well ride day has come and the excitement I haven’t seen when it comes to riding in a long time, has appeared. I guess this is a good thing. Got up early and hopped in the shower and got ready for the ride. I

After that was breakfast. Yay, food. Not as good as the cheese curds.

After breakfast I set my basal rates and got ready to kick off the ride. Man it was early.

Yep, that was me the morning of the ride. I looked so happy and graceful. Honestly, I met both of those expectations this time. The ride starts easily enough, I think it’s because I remembered to stretch, huge different. As the ride begins we broke off into different start groups, so that all 330 of us were not riding off at once.

I felt good, at this point I was convinced that I was going to do more than I had planned on doing originally. I wasn’t rushing myself to do the full loop. After the start things do become a blur, not in a bad way, it’s a bunch of riding, but also riding with people you know or don’t know, chatting or just riding.

I hit the first break point faster than I had anticipated refilled my supplies, stretched, chatted with some people and started to head out again. Once again I was with a different group of people, but we eventually separated and continued on the ride.

Break point 2 fast approached, got more water, took care of some things, had some electrolytes and pickles and pickle juice, disgusting but good. At this point I considered how I was feeling and decided to press on to break point 3. The ride was still good, I really hit my stride in Iowa.

See I’m still happy and still judgemental. At this point I was at 42ish miles and I had to make the choice to continue in the loop or not. After careful consideration of my body, my legs felt fine, I think I could have handled the hills, but other parts of me were starting to act up. So I decided to partner up with another rider and start heading back.

The was a good decision, Peggy and I chatted most of the way, but I lost her a few times as she was moving a lot slower than I was, and would slow down periodically. I never intentionally left her behind, but sometimes my pace on the “hills” left her behind. So as we got closer to the remaining break points, she would yell at me to go ahead and she would catch up. That worked for me.

The ride back was slightly rough, the tail wind we had on the way out was now a headwind on the way back. That added up, but honestly I felt cool because of the wind. The last 10 miles of this ride are the worst, because there are road signs for La Crescent, Minnesota and La Crosse, Wisconsin so you knew how much riding you had left. I swear the bridge over the Mississippi which was so easy on the way out, now was the biggest challenge to face. At this point I was riding with Tracy, who I had breakfast with the day prior and we crossed the finish line together.

That was it, they yell our names, they are clapping, and cheering us on. They give you a medal, which is hanging on my door, and you get to stop riding. That was the best part, well that and the ice cream sandwich.

All in all the ride was good, no major issues, I felt great at the end, well 95% of me did, my tail ed was not happy with me in the least. That was a pain in the ass…. HAHAHA. but seriously, it hurt.

Things that were great is once again with testing dealing with and changing my basal rates along the way, I started and ended where I needed to be.

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My morning low had me thrown off because I went to bed at 185 and I adjusted. Apparently, my body decided to metabolize my insulin differently this time. It is what it is. I am just glad to have done this ride.

As I said earlier my desire to ride was at a low before the ride, however, things are different. I think truly it is because I made the ride about the ride and not about NEEDING to do the full 100. Once blue makes it back from La Crosse we have a date. And I am happy about that.

So on that note, diary I am done with you, I am never going to write to you again. At least I will need to be on something to decide to write diary style again.

On that note I am done finished writing.

Good Bye diary and world.

Brian