I thought this title made sense when I typed it. But now, I am not sure if it actually is the proper title. But as I mentioned yesterday when I wrote, I doubt I am going to change things. I am committed at this point or need to be.

In roughly the past 10 years I seem to have issues with retaining my endocrinologist. I am not sure if I ever wrote about the fact that I am on another new endocrinologist. I have lost one to teaching opportunities in Pennsylvania. One for research studies in the California area. I lost my all time favorite a few years back when the practice I was going to dropped my insurance, and she left the practice and her new practice did not take my insurance either. So, I am now on my current one, but I think I may lose her as well. This time though I think it’s because of my own choice.

When my last endo, who I liked a lot as well left the practice for other things, I was assigned to my current Endo. In our first visit together, I thought that she might be worth the hour drive to Clifton for my periodic visits. After today, I am not so sure anymore. It’s not that she was bad. I just didn’t like the fit this time around. I chalked some of the awkwardness in our last meetup with the fact that we were both new to each other. This time not so much.

After being left waiting in the little room for about 30 minutes my doctor finally walks in. She’s not even sitting yet and is already rattling off things from my blood work. Your a1c was … which is different than last visits … Your cholesterol is great, it actually went down … things like this. Your thyroid numbers look good, it looks like the alternating doses is working for you. (no shit, it has been for years). Kidney function checks out, urine looks good. Realizing she didn’t mention Vitamin D, I guess my plan of telling people my doctor told me I had to go play outside worked.

Once we got through with that, we chatted a bit. I mean all health related, but it just felt awkward the entire time. My last doctor and I chatted. We talked technology, pumps, etc. she’s like your basal seems to be working your fasting glucose was 111. That was the entire technology discussion.

She decided that every 4 months worked well for me, since that’s what the old endo did. Asked if I needed any refills, I told her no. But also that I was coming up on year one of my pump in August and would probably need a form filled out for pump supplies. That was it.

I mean I shouldn’t care, since I more or less handle things my own and have a pretty good grasp of things. In the 4ish years I was with my last endo (I keep wanting to type ortho for some reason, but I digress), he’s helped me with one basal adjustment that I missed for random late night rises. Otherwise, we chatted for a few minutes. Took care of what we needed to do.

So now I am on the edge of the precipice. Do I stay or jump? Finding an good endocrinologist is not easy. When I got reassigned to my current location, I was willing to drive the 60ish minutes back to Clifton for my endo, because he felt worth it to me. Today while driving home, I am not so sure anymore. Do I jump or stay? This is a hard choice.

My friend shared this on my wall 5 minutes ago. Perfect timing.

I have felt the call to write something these past few weeks, but I am not quite sure where that call will take me just yet. In fact, while it most likely will not change, I originally titled this post, “I don’t have a title yet”. That’s the funny thing with my writing, I let my mind take the reins of this horse and just pray that it dances the proper side of the dirty mind pool.

I think the desire to write today or possibly tomorrow if I get distracted and do not finish this thought comes from my desire to bring a little spark into my life. I am not bragging right now, but the proverbial diabetes gods have been nice to me lately. So there have been no exciting developments or changes in my life. I am grateful that things have been pretty much in my imagined range with a few hiccups as always along the way.

Without cursing myself, which I am sure I just did, I am grateful for the fact that in the past x months, I think I may be close to a year or more my sleep has been good and there have been no major issues of waking up drenched in a cold sweat trying to convince my hands that all they need to do is grab the bottle of glucose tabs on my nightstand and put them in my mouth. Not all over the bed, floor, my face (not in my mouth of course) and anywhere else my hands choose to fling those life saving tablets.

I guess that’s a good thing. A few weeks back I was down at the annual Friends for Life Conference in Orlando. I got to hang out with some of my friends, got to pick on Kerri and Scott, etc. It was good. It was fun. I mean I got to see Donald, so that was pretty bad ass.

I was hoping to get something out of this conference. But nothing. So maybe I am in burnout. But I don’t feel burnt out. Maybe I am just in autopilot mode. I don’t really care. I was hoping something would inspire me to do something. Nope. So I am going to continue as I am.

I am happy, I am healthy, I have an endo appointment. I am not expecting any surprises. So status quo. I guess that’s fine.

I end this very melancholy, no title post with this picture. I currently have a priest in training in residence with me. He made brownies. He than proceeded to cut a piece out of the center and started eating it. I actually yelled at him, that this is not the fucking way to eat brownies and he took a second piece to somewhat balance it out. But seriously, who the fuck does that??