Confessions of an eater

So things with work, stress, and vacation have made me in my mind a failure in the ways of food. Don’t get me wrong, I do stupid things with food all the time, but as of late my love relationship of food has taken over. Usually the little guy in the back of my head who says something smart from time to time, will stop me from my desire to eat any and everything in sight, but I think I may have accidentally gagged him or something….

(Sorry, I can’t do clothes and I love the color blue. I do like him though.)
Anyway, so yeah, the little guys has been quite silent lately. I mean I am all about seefood. You know I see food and eat it. Yes, I Swag it and balance it out and everything, but I seem to be doing this more and more often. I am not a big fan of this Brian.
I haven’t gone for a run in weeks, I haven’t really done much in the way of exercise in weeks. Yes, I did join a summer ultimate league, which will give me something, but I need to get things back in order. I need to stop eating as much especially in the Peanut Butter and Chocolate family and get back on track. I am never going to be “thin” I am fine with that. I want to just be normal. I see pictures and my face is kinda chubby again. My grandma told me I look good, my face is “filling out”, but I don’t want that. I want to be my normal 6’0″ kinda thin person. But I need to set that little guy free and am kinda pissed off that I have let things go for so long.
But I have yet to figure out what to do to motivate myself. I mean, I can not buy the food but like that stops me, if I truly want it. I go for it. I just need to get back on track…. Sigh. My next doctors appointment is in July, I want to be back on track by that point. Any clues would be nice. But otherwise, I will just sit here and hope for the best.


It’s all about Monday

So, I have recovered from my vacation and have managed to ruin all the good sleep I got last week. However, I knew that was coming at some point. While I was escaping I did do some thinking about work and stuff and realized there is nothing wrong with taking a little more “time” for myself during the days since my schedule moves very, very quickly. So I have gained new insight into the world while I was away.
Myself, Blue, and Beepy McBeeperson, escaped to San Francisco for a week and it was a really good time. I went to the movies on rainy days. I hate rain, it followed me back here, jerk. On the second rainy day, I went to the Academy of Science or something like that. It was cool, they had an indoor rainforest type thing. I was attacked by butterflies since I am so sweet…. Get it??? Haha, sorry where was I? They had a planetarium, I was kinda disappointed though, when you say planetarium, I think of things like seeing stars and galaxies and stuff, they showed a movie on life and stuff, barely any stars and galaxies (fail), but it was part of the admission. They had an aquarium too. And, ANd, AND, PENGUINS!!!!! I know people of the DOC are all about Unicorns and stuff, but well PENGUINS!!!

I could flood this entire Blog with my penguin photos, but well that is just mean for those who share my love and did not see the penguins. I musta watched them for an hour or so. SWEET.
Wednesday, I continued my sleep and tourist routine and wandered to Fisherman’s Wharf, which was pretty cool. I went to Ghiradelli Square. Ate some chocolate, sorry…. I took a picture and sent it to C, I would have sent it to Kimface too, but I don’t have her number.

My other friend Jeanette who is also a person with diabetes got this picture as well. I told them it made them think of them and also my pump saw me looking and screamed “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” We survived though with minimum damage to my reserves of insulin on board. Wooo.
Thursday, I traveled again. Went to Alcatraz and burned the $h1+ our of my face. Oh well. My own personal prison or something like that. I was not a huge fan of the Island. I mean don’t get me wrong it was nice, but not my thing.

But hey all is fun on vacation.
I came home on Friday which was good, my trip was fun and worth it, but my wallet can only take so much damage. My return trip started off the same in the airport, with my customary pat down. It was all good, I mean I wish the Dexcom did not set things off and all but oh well. I just endure. I mean while I am not a fan of the pat down, both to and from San Francisco, the people were very nice and polite. Almost apologetic, that the pump or Dexcom set things off. I mean it happens, whatever. I am just glad to be home and back to my normal desire of not wanting to work!!

Oh and when I came back I did have one more treat in store for myself. Large Coconut Iced Coffee with Skim Milk. I so missed my Dunkin. Did you know there are no Dunkin Donuts out West in some areas?? That is a sin in my eyes. The other coffees just don’t do it for me.
So that was my trip in a nutshell. Sorry there be no pictures of me and the fun I had, but well I was my own traveling companion and both Blue and Beepy refused to take pictures of me. Double Jerks!!!

Still Loving Time Off

So we are day 4 into my vacation and I have been loving it so far. It has been relatively relaxing. I mean Sunday was kinda slow and wet. Monday, not so much fun either with the rain and stuff out here, but I made the best of it. Went to the movies.
Yesterday I played tourist and went to the Academy of Sciences which was pretty awesome. Today, I did some Fisherman’s Wharf touristy stuff. My sugars have been relatively on cue, granted some random spikes, but that stems more from spurge eating and stuff. My CGM had been pretty reliable, but apparently decided to runaway on me this morning. Not sure if I slept on the sensor wrong or what, but it ran away four days into its life. That was a bit of a bummer, but oh well. I will just ignore it for now. I am going back to my sleeping though. It has been the best part of my vacation. Man do i need a life or something like that. I will post pictures and junk later. Promise. Thanks for tuning in.

A Day of Travel

So this morning after getting little to no sleep, I woke up and traveled from good ole’ NJ out to San Francisco. For most people travel can be a bit of a hassle. I mean, getting up, packing, getting to the airport on time, and the shiz like that. It’s all good and fun. Yet sometimes we have that awkward stage of security and the new screenings and stuff. I mean who really wants to have to go through the extra screening if you get picked and stuff. It is not fun or can be embarrassing at times.
Yet at the end of the day, it is only a chance and most likely we can avoid this stuff. Enter the word of being a person with type-1 diabetes and decided to travel anywhere. Yesterday, Saturday I posted pictures of my bed that had all of my supplies spread out for travel. I had two piles for a 5 day trip. I had to go in my suitcase 3 site changes just in case. I really only needed two, but didn’t want to chance it so I have three in my suitcase. There was also for my carry on my emergency replacement site kit just in case, you know the suitcase was lost. (thankfully not). So I had to pack all that extra and worry about losing stuff just in case. Oh and of course the replacement Dexcom sensor for if this one dies. All of this before I left the house. Sigh. And we all know where this story leads don’t we?
Well since I was talking about security check points… Yeah we have my visit through security. Since getting both and insulin pump and CGM, I have become used to the inevitable fact that no matter what I do, I will always set off the security alarm. I did not have to worry about a full body scanner though. So I wander up to security. I take everything but my clothes and pump off and wander up to the security. I even remember to take the metal clip off of blue. WOOO! And what happens next. You got it, BEEEEP. “Sir step back please.” Beeep. “Do you have anything metal on you, belt, change in pocket?” No that is just my insulin pump. “Oh, no problem. Male assist.” 5 minutes later I am on my way. But it all worked out in the end. It was one of my nicest pat downs yet. I know sounds weird to be saying.
I was happy though. I made it through security in plenty of time, got to sit on a plane for like ever, and played the BS roller coaster game. But at the end of the day. I am in California and can relax and sleep. My room is tiny. Like big enough for a double bed, a closet that can barely hold my suitcase and my bathroom. Oh well. It’s all good though. I am going to have fun and not have to worry about any work stuff. :-p
Have a great day.

Things I’ve Learned


Okay, well first off, I am going to readily admit to cheating here and taking a soft easy answer. I hope you will forgive me though. I am running on 4 hours of sleep, due to working all weekend, not sleeping, driving home late last night from the retreat I was helping chaperone, and well getting up at the crack ass for my vacation. So yeah, I am not running on all my cylinders and frankly am bloody tired.
The biggest thing I have learned this week and in general about being a person with type-1 is that we are never alone. We have our family and friends for us. But more so. We have this small group of like 5 people in the DOC there to support us. Okay, maybe more than 5 like 20 :-p. But it is awesome. Actually this reminded me of a joke. What type of animal is big, grey, wrinkly and can climb trees??? An elephant…. I lied about the trees.!! Sorry, but yeah, just like I lied about the trees, I lied about the DOC, where there are so many people there to here us out, listen to our complaints, support us, and help us. That is what I have learned and am so glad to know it is here and around.

But with that I need to say thank you to you all for helping me in my own troubles and for all you do for your advocacy and stuff. It is really quite humbling. 😛

Snapshot – Well kinda sorta


As our week of blogging comes to a close, I realized that things my vaguely be getting less and less interesting. I am getting prepared to escape and go on vacation my first real “day off” since September. With my job, even though I do get a “day off” a week. It never really seems to happen for me. My own damn fault. So yeah. We only have two pictures right now. I may add a third later in the day if I remember. Along with vacation tomorrow, which I will talk about my travel experience and airport if I can. But also leading a Youth Retreat this weekend, so I am all over the place.

The two pictures we have right now are of my packing supplies for a week.

(what we see here is even though I will have a new infusion set in for tomorrow and am gone till Friday, I have a 12 day supply of stuff. Basically in the ziploc bag we have the supplies that come in my carry on, and on the bed everything else I pack in my suitcase)
I know I shouldn’t separate everything, but well I like to travel with a small carry on and not have it be over filled. So either way I am covered for a few days.

In the next image we see my reliable meter and the supply of strips I have used in the course of a two day period of time or roughly, I just emptied the case since I just filled the strip container.

(You can also see one of my many med-alerts. Now some explanation of the picture, the lancets while colorful are just for decoration. I have yet to hit that supply. The meter is the USB Contour, which I love. I am sure you may be going but wait Brian that is a One Touch Strip case. Yeah it is. The meter case for the Contour I did not like, the outside pocket sealed horizontally, so I could not really store my back up insulin and syringes in there, but the case for the One Touch Mini or whatever I did still have worked for what I needed. So I switched out the cases, but the strip container did not fit/work with the case, so I put the strips in the One Touch case when it is empty and take the used strips scattered everywhere and stuff them in to the now empty case and toss)

So yeah, these are my pictures for now. Oh wait I did find in my archives my pump, Blue.

This is when I just him as he replaced Murph, who died. Oh well. So I lied, there may be a fourth picture. See what happens when i get distracted.
Either way, vacation tomorrow, I am excited, me, myself, and I in San Francisco all by myself, playing tourist!!! Woo!

D-Blog Day 5: I am still alive


I am happily sitting here typing this blog as I anxiously await the return of Blogger, which apparently decided to take a nap and abandon me. So this just means I have more time to sit and stare and think about all things d-related. I figured I would start out thinking about things such as Unicorns and Glitter, cause well that is awesome. Once I do that I might as well think about cupcakes. I mean come on what’s a person with diabetes to do, but fantasize about cupcakes…. Yummm. Now I want a cupcake, thanks Blogger, look at what you made me do. Can anyone tell me what the carb count is for a glitter infused, chocolate, unicorn cupcake?? Damn…
Alright, well my fantasy is done, I am back to the real world, ‘cause that is the reality we live in. In looking at today’s blog request, we have been asked to blog about the things we have done because of diabetes. This is a hard thing to think about though. I mean life with d for me has been for so many years, I don’t know if I can say that I did something because I did or did not have type-1. I mean in high school I went Scuba Diving and was certified at one point. I did that though because of my than girl friend. It had nothing to do with anything else. I mean I had to get certified differently, but still nothing.
Uhhh… I mean this is really hard. I can’t really place anything that I would have done differently because of having type one. I mean, my life style altered, my life focus altered a little at one point. I mean, I probably did some things because of having type-1, like pass out, sprain an ankle, drop stuff….. But those are really not accomplishments to be proud of or sad about. I mean for me it all is about who or what I am. That is what matters.
Having type-1 did not really change anything for me. I have nor will I ever let this disease hold me back. I mean yes I am traveling out to San Francisco on Sunday. I am going to go about things normally for myself. I do not change anything because of the big or small D.
I mean I think though that is the thing. I am me no matter what. Maybe I am a little more moody at times, yet I am still Brian. I still do all the things I am supposed to. I never let anything hold me back. Yes sometimes extra effort or thought needs to go into things, such as playing Ultimate Frisbee and stuff like that. But truly, that is it.
Now being the schmuck that I am, I did just have a realization as I was writing this. And see if you can follow me on this. The key words are “as I was writing this.” Blogging and trying to become a more active member of the DOC is something I probably would never have done, prior to my diagnosis all those years ago. Meeting people, playing on Facebook and Juvenation, probably would not have happened. Kimface, Gina, C, and all the rest of my friends from here would never have had to hear the weird sarcasticness that is Brian, my words might get to fewer people, but all in all, that is just how things play out sometimes. I can’t think of anything else.
To quote a song from well, I am not going to reveal it, else my weird music tastes will be seen, but “I am what I am, I can’t help myself and if you don’t like it get with somebody else. I’ll never change my ways, it’s not a phase. This is how it is and this is how it’s gonna stay” So yeah. I am who I always was meant to be either because of or despite D. To tell you the truth I am quite happy about this.
Peace, love, glitter, and unicorns!!!

10 Things I hate about you, my not so much of a friend, friend.


As I began today’s journey of bitching and moaning I realized that while it may be easy to come up with a list of things that I hate about have type-1 diabetes. I really don’t think I do. Maybe on that periodic bit of self-loathing I may be able to come up with a list of like 30 things. However, when I look at life 14 years ago, when I was first diagnosed and now. I mean, seriously things are so much better. I mean, back during that period, Insulin pumps were not all that common, CGM’s did not exist, my meter took forever and so much blood, there was only one type of glucose tab out there. I mean come on, things aren’t great, but they sure as hell are better than they used to be.
So in no particular order, here is my 10 Things I do Hate about my “friend”.

10.) I do hate the fact that you came over unannounced and will not leave me. You make things suck sometimes and you have so overstayed your welcome. I may miss you when you are gone, but probably not, that is if you ever leave.

9.) I love in your world how the number 5 years means nothing to you. “Oh Brian, things are not good now, but with the rapid progression of studies, funding, and crap like that you will see a cure for this disease in maybe like 5 years.” Really, cause we are going on 15 at this point. I mean I know according to American Pie there is the came of 3. If you ask a guy how many people they have slept with you divide the number by 3 and a girl you multiply. But I thought you were better than that. Jerk.

8.) I hate when you make me an uncoordinated buffoon, because you drop my sugar and I have no clue, since Beepy, McBeeperson, has yet to catch up with me. Did I really need to throw that tray of food all over the place or spill the precious life giving OJ everywhere but down my throat. Double jerk.

7.) I hate the looks people give me sometimes. I mean not the what is that thing on your belt insulin pump look. That is fine. The I am grumpy and having a bad day and someone says “Are you okay? How’s your sugar?” You know what my sugar is f-ing fine. I am just grumpy okay. Don’t ask such a stupid question. Sometimes, I get angry just for the sake of being angry. It isn’t normally d-related. And when you keep asking me, either if I am low or not. It pisses me off. So I hate you for this.

6.) I hate the entire love/hate relationship with food. I love food. I hate having to do my best to figure out the carbs, the fats, the ice cream, the pop corn, and everything else that messes with my sugar. I would like to eat pizza and go to bed and not have to worry about the fact that I did my combo bolus wrong and am still at 200 hundred in the morning. It annoys me.

5.) I hate the nausea feeling you give me when I am sometimes High and trying to figure out if I am sick or just high, because you just like to mess with my mind. You are mean. I would never do that to you. I swear sometimes you are even more passive aggressive than I am.

4.) I hate the sweats that sometimes sneak up on me, when I go low. I mean it isn’t often, but it is embarassing when I miss the low and my Dexcom has yet catch it or is still at like 70 so there is no fear for me yet. And I realize I have soaked my clothes from sweat. It’s like really??

3.) Continuing with the sweats, I hate the night time low when I wake up sometimes, since I apparently sleep right through my night time beeps, since I am so tired sometimes that I can sleep through anything, and hell when I go low. I hear nothing. I hate waking from the low( I mean I am glad I wake from the low) but I hate waking from the low covered in sweat, my sheets soaked, like I wet the bed and even though my emergency glucose tabs are right there I cannot grab them. I mean I try, but the sugar you stole from elsewhere has yet to give me the fine motor control needed to close or control my arm and I lie there swinging my arm, hoping to get things. Finally, when I get things in my hand and I promptly can’t find my mouth. see number 8.

2.) I am not a fan of the thirst either, sometimes it is unquenchable. I mean, I am not High, I am not low. But sometimes I am just plain thirsty. I blame you for this. I mean I could be wrong on this blame game. But I still blame you, especially when after the thirst comes the other side. The relief. Really, I need sleep. I don’t need to get up 5 times to pee and stumble out of bed barley awake, dragging Blue around since he came unclipped from my shorts. Worse, like 3 weeks ago when I went to the bathroom and Blue’s tubing got tangled on the door and pulled the door closed and I was confused and trapped, since the tubing was stuck on the door knob inside the bathroom. Yeah, that was cool.

1.) I like to run, running with you is not fun. I need to drink OJ before hand and try to peak high before I run. I run and run. But now I need to stop and make sure I am safe to run. I hate that it used to be me and my cd player, me and my iPod, me and my tape player. But now it is me, my iPod, my pump, my CGM, my emergency money, and the fact I need to plan a route around stores so I can bail myself out of trouble when you sneak up on me. I mean you are a horrible running partner. Can’t you just stay home. Don’t get me started on my post run issues. You are a mean.

Diabetes you are not a nice “friend”. I live with you . I deal with you. I am fine with you. But you annoy the snot at me. If I was a monkey I would fling pooh at you.

The Myth’s and the Mythed


Haha, get it. Oh I slay myself. Seriously I do. I love the fact that there were random events out there to save me from the boringness of my bloopers and obviously my ability to create nifty words. I thought about bloopers and well they are just not that hysterical. I mean Mike over at The Diabetics Corner Booth hinted at this. So why even pretend that it was an original idea and creatively recreate his random ramblings… Sorry Mike. So I was getting miffed that I had nothing clever to say today. Thank the Diabetes Muses that there were random topics to cover ones ass that made things easier for me today. So instead of talking about the time my friend Victor got his hand caught in my tubing or the time I was low and had the drops and literally threw food that was on my tray everywhere, I would move onto the myths out there. Mainly one Myth. SPRINKLES!!!!

Yes, I may have borrowed this picture from Twitter, but hell Sprinkles is very hard to track down and talk to. I have tried a few times and I get lost in a trail of rainbows, glitters, and cupcakes. I know weird, but true.
A few days ago, I actually had a visit from Sprinkles. I was shocked, I mean Sprinkles literally knocked the unicorn/cupcake socks off my feet. I was sitting in my room and poof there was a rainbow explosion and there was Sprinkles standing there. I didn’t know what to do. So I just stared, obviously shoulda grabbed my phone, ipod, camera, anything and everything that was hanging out next to me and take a picture, but I forgot. What was I thinking. I mean come on Sprinkles in plain site. But well I panicked.
So I did the only thing I could do. Sit with my mouth wide open and go “….. sp… spr… SPRINKLES”. And that was it. The poof happened again, and Sprinkles was gone and so were my socks. However, my doubts of the existence of said unicorn are no more. I mean come on. If Sprinkles appears to me as a sign… oh and my sugar was like 97 so this was not a low hallucination,  I know now to be a believe. That and the fact that Sprinkles left my room smelling of cupcakes, I hate that rainbow toting Unicorn for that. But alas all is good. I am the forgiving type. I do love the random encounters on the net with Sprinkles. My favorite being a link I shared with Kimface a few weeks ago. I think Sprinkles does have a part time job working on commercials for Progressive. I mean check out this video and you can’t deny the fact. I love it. So yeah, Sprinkles is real and now I hate the smell of cupcakes, it has been a 3 day craving for me. Stupid Unicorn I am quite mythed at Sprinkles.

Letter to Self


This is the 2nd day of Diabetes Blog Week, today’s option is Letter Writing Day, where we can write a real or fictional letter somehow connected to diabetes – to an endo, an actual meter or pump company, or maybe a letter from one’s adult self to the D-Child you were.
I had to think really hard about who I would write this letter to. I mean there have been many options out there to write to. Yes, I could write a letter to my endo… but well I like my endo, she is nice and we get along swell. I mean, sometimes our meetings are short and all, but that is not here fault sometimes. Things are good with us. I could write to Animas or Dexcom and tell them what I am looking for in a pump or not a pump at all. That could be fun. However, I know these companies do research and I am sure they already know what many of us are looking for. The full integration piece is awesome so that is what I am leaning towards. Maybe a slightly quieter pump my Ping is loud at times, but ehh… why wast my time.
Instead, I thought it would be good to write a letter to the person who has been in my life as a PWD who probably needed the most inspiration and ass smacking over the years. Myself.

Dear Brian,
It’s me, a much older and well most likely wiser version of you writing to you about life as a person with diabetes in the future. I know you don’t want to hear this, because well I know I didn’t want to hear this but well I am going to pass my wisdom on to you anyway. Maybe you will ignore me, well I know what you will do. You will get pissed off that someone dares to talk to you about have diabetes. Who the hell am I to do that anyway? Yes, you think you know what you are doing. Yes you have survived doing what you have for so many years. I can’t fault that. But just listen and think about things for a few minutes.
First and for most. Yes, a good, low a1c is nice, you can avoid many major complications. Yes what you have been doing shot wise is pretty good as well. But well you were never really taught about that entire difference between your NPH and your R/Humalog insulin. This is very important. Because while yes the twice daily injections of NPH are fine and keep you going at the 20 units a shot, the use of the fast acting insulin was not really explained to you. There is really no need to take the amount of insulin you were taking. The 15 units in the morning and evening while yes balanced out your sugars, have been dropping you low for years, this is why you are going to be hypo unaware. The Humalog insulin is not long term. It moves fast, it drops your sugar. You wonder why you were low so often. It had nothing to do with being cunning or outsmarting your illness. You could have died. In fact in the future you will come close a few times due to your ignorance. It is not really your fault. As far as I can remember I don’t quite remember any of our endo’s from the first at diagnosis to the last one we had before moving to a pump, really explaining this insulin and carbs and shit to us. You are lucky and were lucky. Take a few minutes to educate yourself and ask questions. I promise you can still control your a1c’s. I promise.
That was probably the most important thing. Testing, testing goes hand in hand with everything else. Yes it is a pain in the ass. Especially back in the day when meter’s took a minute to test. The longest minute ever. Yet, some of your issues and problems could have been avoided had you tested more. You might have seen the affects of the insulin regime you were on. Instead, you took a long hiatus from testing because of the waste of time you found it to be. You are given 168 hours in the week to do with as you please. Why not waste a few minutes of that time to keep an eye on things. Than maybe mom won’t keep asking you, “Brian are you ok? You seem grumpy, do you need to eat?” Yes those questions are annoying, but there is a reason to this. Your mom actually is paying attention and cares. Don’t be a fool.
So those are the big things. But I just want to encourage you to take a more active stance on life and take control of being a person with diabetes. There are camps out there to get involved in, something I never did. It will be awesome if you go. You can talk to people and learn stuff. Stuff you might need. People I know who went to camps loved it. Pumps are not a bad thing. They are not for people who can’t “control” their diabetes or did a poor job. You are an idiot for thinking that. Hell where did you even get that idea? Idiot I swear. Well again, you will learn more when you meet people who also are PWD’s. Don’t ignore them. Talk to them. It will help. You are truly not alone in this.
At the same time, don’t change. You will be an awesome guy. Have people laughing at you all the time. you can be a positive force in the hidden world you have chosen to hide in. I promise you, it is worth it. You meet some characters. I know and hell you will become one yourself. I hope this helps. But I promise you, this is just some friendly advice from well you. I know you won’t like to hear this, but I thought you should know some stuff. It will help you from other more embarrassing moments.

Brian at 29 years and 14 years with D.

So I mailed myself this letter, and I got a response. I hate younger Brian.

Dear Old Man Brian,
I just got your message. I wanted to thank you for your concern with how I deal with my diabetes. But you see, I know what I am doing and nothing bad has happened. Why should I fix something that isn’t broke. I don’t really care what you think. You and your “years” of experience. My years have kept me safe and well f-off. Sorry, don’t care. I can handle this on my own.
Brian the smarter and wiser