As I began today’s journey of bitching and moaning I realized that while it may be easy to come up with a list of things that I hate about have type-1 diabetes. I really don’t think I do. Maybe on that periodic bit of self-loathing I may be able to come up with a list of like 30 things. However, when I look at life 14 years ago, when I was first diagnosed and now. I mean, seriously things are so much better. I mean, back during that period, Insulin pumps were not all that common, CGM’s did not exist, my meter took forever and so much blood, there was only one type of glucose tab out there. I mean come on, things aren’t great, but they sure as hell are better than they used to be.
So in no particular order, here is my 10 Things I do Hate about my “friend”.
10.) I do hate the fact that you came over unannounced and will not leave me. You make things suck sometimes and you have so overstayed your welcome. I may miss you when you are gone, but probably not, that is if you ever leave.
9.) I love in your world how the number 5 years means nothing to you. “Oh Brian, things are not good now, but with the rapid progression of studies, funding, and crap like that you will see a cure for this disease in maybe like 5 years.” Really, cause we are going on 15 at this point. I mean I know according to American Pie there is the came of 3. If you ask a guy how many people they have slept with you divide the number by 3 and a girl you multiply. But I thought you were better than that. Jerk.
8.) I hate when you make me an uncoordinated buffoon, because you drop my sugar and I have no clue, since Beepy, McBeeperson, has yet to catch up with me. Did I really need to throw that tray of food all over the place or spill the precious life giving OJ everywhere but down my throat. Double jerk.
7.) I hate the looks people give me sometimes. I mean not the what is that thing on your belt insulin pump look. That is fine. The I am grumpy and having a bad day and someone says “Are you okay? How’s your sugar?” You know what my sugar is f-ing fine. I am just grumpy okay. Don’t ask such a stupid question. Sometimes, I get angry just for the sake of being angry. It isn’t normally d-related. And when you keep asking me, either if I am low or not. It pisses me off. So I hate you for this.
6.) I hate the entire love/hate relationship with food. I love food. I hate having to do my best to figure out the carbs, the fats, the ice cream, the pop corn, and everything else that messes with my sugar. I would like to eat pizza and go to bed and not have to worry about the fact that I did my combo bolus wrong and am still at 200 hundred in the morning. It annoys me.
5.) I hate the nausea feeling you give me when I am sometimes High and trying to figure out if I am sick or just high, because you just like to mess with my mind. You are mean. I would never do that to you. I swear sometimes you are even more passive aggressive than I am.
4.) I hate the sweats that sometimes sneak up on me, when I go low. I mean it isn’t often, but it is embarassing when I miss the low and my Dexcom has yet catch it or is still at like 70 so there is no fear for me yet. And I realize I have soaked my clothes from sweat. It’s like really??
3.) Continuing with the sweats, I hate the night time low when I wake up sometimes, since I apparently sleep right through my night time beeps, since I am so tired sometimes that I can sleep through anything, and hell when I go low. I hear nothing. I hate waking from the low( I mean I am glad I wake from the low) but I hate waking from the low covered in sweat, my sheets soaked, like I wet the bed and even though my emergency glucose tabs are right there I cannot grab them. I mean I try, but the sugar you stole from elsewhere has yet to give me the fine motor control needed to close or control my arm and I lie there swinging my arm, hoping to get things. Finally, when I get things in my hand and I promptly can’t find my mouth. see number 8.
2.) I am not a fan of the thirst either, sometimes it is unquenchable. I mean, I am not High, I am not low. But sometimes I am just plain thirsty. I blame you for this. I mean I could be wrong on this blame game. But I still blame you, especially when after the thirst comes the other side. The relief. Really, I need sleep. I don’t need to get up 5 times to pee and stumble out of bed barley awake, dragging Blue around since he came unclipped from my shorts. Worse, like 3 weeks ago when I went to the bathroom and Blue’s tubing got tangled on the door and pulled the door closed and I was confused and trapped, since the tubing was stuck on the door knob inside the bathroom. Yeah, that was cool.
1.) I like to run, running with you is not fun. I need to drink OJ before hand and try to peak high before I run. I run and run. But now I need to stop and make sure I am safe to run. I hate that it used to be me and my cd player, me and my iPod, me and my tape player. But now it is me, my iPod, my pump, my CGM, my emergency money, and the fact I need to plan a route around stores so I can bail myself out of trouble when you sneak up on me. I mean you are a horrible running partner. Can’t you just stay home. Don’t get me started on my post run issues. You are a mean.
Diabetes you are not a nice “friend”. I live with you . I deal with you. I am fine with you. But you annoy the snot at me. If I was a monkey I would fling pooh at you.