The Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda’s

I just used this phrase over in a comment on Facebook about regretting or possibly not making a decision based upon external variables. This is probably one of the worst choices/decisions to face. The inevitable should I do this, but what about x, y, z? Followed by the fear, that maybe you made that choice poorly.

In life, time and time again we will face these decisions. Heck, I do face them often enough. Sometimes, I make the right choice, sometimes I have my own regrets. Yet I am learning from each time I encounter the end result of shoulda, woulda, coulda. The funny thing is that as I have matured in my diabetes, I am finally able to make my decisions based upon my other fears. You know bee’s, there not being any cheese to eat, traveling alone, and of course the fear of tiny plane seats… :-p

When I was younger, I can’t even begin to tell  you how big the list of my regrets is, not because of “fears”, but because of my own fear of my diabetes. I mean travel out of state alone rarely happened. Doing a semester abroad?!? Really? Not gonna happen. All of these things that I could have done, I never did, because I was terrified of what could happen, what if I ran out of insulin, what if I went low? Heaven forbid the fear of traveling with a bag full of needles. (That was back in the day, when I actually used my syringes once…. I know, gross in reusing them, but when I traveled why would I want to bring 8,000 needles and try to figure out how to dispose of them.

I was an idiot on some levels for my own fears. I have some regrets now about what I could have done and did not. The difference now is, well others have done it and survived the ordeal, AND I KNOW THIS NOW.

When I started writing this post, I did not mean to make it turn into a You Can Do This post, but somehow it has. I think on so many levels all things wander back into the neighborhood of You Can Do This. The funny things is, is well I can. I could have done a semester abroad, it would have been a bitch and a half to make sure I did everything right and always had supplies and such. Yet I could have done it. I could have done x,y, and z, with my friends away from home if I planned it out right. Those regrets and fears I had, now seem inconsequential, well not the fear of bees. That is totally valid, I hide from those f-ers like it’s my job.

Everything else though, aside from maybe going into outer space ( I think that is an area of expertise that I currently will not be adding to my resume. Imagine losing your last two bottles of insulin out of the airlock and the next supply drop isn’t for 2 months…. That could be messed up). Anything else, really the sky is the limit. The Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda’s, must not/cannot exist when you are tying to do things d-related. If you want to do something, there is a way. It may take time and effort and planning, but you can do whatever you want. Just plan it out right. That is what matters at the end of the day.

Completely unrelated. I need to write my post about my new murse find. I have played with it for two weeks and I think I can give it an honest review. Hopefully tomorrow.

Happy Anniversary?!? Happy Birthday?!?! ANNIVERTHDAY!!!

I really didn’t know which way to take this title. This birthday/anniversary, anniverthday?? I have no clue what to call it is something that is so big and important it needs its own phrase. So I wanted to wish a Happy Anniverthday to the You Can Do This Project, which turns 1 year old today. To quote Kimpants. “Awesomesauce!”

Kimpants, who knew that your ideas and thoughts over a year ago could make a huge difference in the lives of so many people. I truly wish I could have people just send me videos saying thank you to you for what you have inspired myself and others to do. I bet you would be shocked by how many people this “little” idea has reached. I am guessing at least 10 maybe 20. :-p

Honestly, I can’t even begin to guess how many people your idea has reached. I can tell you though, that you have made a huge impact on the lives of many with this project.

The “You Can Do This Project” background tells us that “Living with diabetes is hard, no matter what type or for how long you’ve had it. We often feel isolated or scared of what the future holds for us, and we become frustrated with all that is expected of us. Sometimes we deal with depression and anxiety; other times it is guilt and shame. We feel burned out. Sometimes we’re just plain tired of the all the hard work we have to put in to live another day.

Everyone with diabetes struggles at one time or another – and the term “struggle” can take on different meanings for different people. Validation and community have the ability to lighten the emotional load that diabetes can place on us.

That’s where this project comes in. Tell us your stories. Show others what living with diabetes is really like – no sugar-coating. Talk about the tough stuff. Show us how you’ve dealt with it. Let others see their own struggles and feelings through your words.

Show others that there can be light after the darkness; that they can get through the tough times.
Show them that they never have to be alone.
Speak to them the battle cry: ‘You can do this.'”

It is true for myself and for everyone. Type 1 diabetes is part of my life, yes. Yet it is not me. I am not the diabetic priest, diabetic runner, diabetic ultimate frisbee player. I am Brian. I am a priest. I run, I bike, I play Ultimate Frisbee. I am unique. I am me, oh and I may also have type 1 diabetes. BLAH!!!! But diabetes is not who I am. I have known this for a while, yet I know how much the You Can Do This project has helped others. There was a top secret e-mail going around about the anniverthday of the You Can Do This Project, and the amount of responses of those saying, I’m in, I’m gonna blog this, I am so on this, is/was amazing. The fact that some people had been meaning to make a video and hadn’t yet. The fact that others were amazed that Kimpants was possibly going to keep this on the low, not the DL, but not a big deal of this was crazy. So a bunch of people I know of started to think about this and come up with their own way of saying thank you to Kimpants.

I figured, what the heck, let me try one of these video thingys. Not sure how I felt about it. I realized my saying “hello” creeped me out so I edited it gone. I realized my eye contact was everywhere since I had no one to make eye contact with and I had to keep reminding myself to look at the camera. I also realized that I had about 30 minutes of awkward bloopers, which I thankfully deleted. Some people might see them and capitalize on the awkwardness. I also used my narrator or “priest” voice as my mom calls it at times. My bad. It is very hard to talk to myself as if I was talking to others who weren’t truly there. However, I knew I could do this…. (Waa, Waaa!)

But hell I tried it, it wasn’t as scarey as I thought it would be. Even though making a video late at night as tired as I am leads to bad jokes…. Sigh.

Kimpants, again thank you and Happy Anniverthday!!!

Wordless Wednesday: Baggage

More on these pictures and my opinions as I keep doing the test drive.

Mini Messenger

I realize it does kinda look purseish with receipts and my check book. But this is trial stuff.

The Search begins again

I have some quirks, I will not deny that. I like stuff. Who doesn’t? I like my stuff to look nice. Who doesn’t? I like my stuff to be practical. Again, who doesn’t? When it comes to my diabetes supplies, I also like practical. Last year before Friends for Life, I went out in search for the ideal travel accessory for my diabetes supplies as I travel throughout the day. I call it a murse. Once again, I am in search for a new supply travel bag for the day, to hold my test kit, my emergency supplies heaven forbid, and a bottle of water and or soda. I found a pretty nice one last year, however after a year of use and a few different trips, I have come to the conclusion that I am not enamored with it. The shoulder pad does nothing for me and well it is just awkward to carry.

I was talking with Jess last night about my bag search. She was kinda amused. I was explaining to her my conundrum and while she understood, there may have been some implicit grinning/hinting about it being nice to be a girl and have a purse to throw all of her stuff into. Fine, you have a purse. I can pee standing up and in the woods not without it being awkward. I think I win. (Sorry Jess, don’t know where that passion came from. Well I do, but yeah.)

Being a guy and dealing with ones supplies can be awkward at times for day long events. I mean I have thrown stuff into one of those sport sack things with the strings that cinch it closed. When I am doing sporting things and I can throw the bag down in one location that is fine. After hours of wear those things hurt. I don’t have a purse to put it in. I can even pull off the cool little bags that Karen was bragging about the other day. Where are the male friendly supplies? Nowhere.

It is a pain in the butt let me tell you. Don’t get me wrong, I will go and raid my local Target, Kohl’s, and maybe even REI in my ever searching quest for perfection in the bag department. But I am picky on some levels. I looked online for “diabetes supply bags” maybe I am a snob, but 1.) the bag has to at least look somewhat nice, 2.) the bag cannot be awkwardly bulky or HUGE, and 3.) the bag has to make sense for the supplies I am carrying. Some of the “supply bags” look like…. well I am not going to say what they look like. I already used the word pee, I have wandered as far as I can into that direction.

A supply bag for me and I am sure some of the other guys out there may agree. I am looking at you Martin to back me up. Needs to be practical. Have slots for meters, insulin, emergency supplies, maybe a frio slot, (which I don’t use), but also to hold an iPad or kindle or nook, maybe just a book, and a bottle of fluids as well. Yet at the same time maybe have some color on it and be comfortable to wear all day long. I want to be classy, well as classy as I can be. Yet at the same time I don’t want it to look like a PURSE.  I don’t know maybe I am asking for to much here. Yet, I don’t think I am. I would love to come up with a practical concept. I have ideas in my head. Yet there are no bag companies out there that have said, “Hey Brian, we see that you have ideas for the idea male bag for diabetes supplies. Want to come and meet with our people and design it??” Oh I would kill to be able to do that. Same thing with a more practical meter case. However, I am not going to be picky.

Having diabetes is a pain in the bum. Not being able to travel with supplies comfortably, should not be a problem for us. Adorn has the right idea. I like the idea of what they offer. If only they had a smaller option as well. Well they do, but it is a purse so yeah. Anyway. That is today’s “rant”. You guys all rock my socks and for those of you coming to Friends for Life less than 25 days depending on when you are showing up. Maybe, I will have a new bag to show off. If not, show me your purse and I will put my stuff in your bag.

Wordless Wednesday: Cheese

Yesterday I played Ultimate Frisbee from 6 – 8:30 and came back home exhausted and HUNGRY!!!!!! I was coming down from a High, due to exercise and probably adrenaline and such. So I was all about the healthy protein rich meal I should have eaten…. I had tomato soup with 2 full servings of vegetables (YUM) and a plate of corn grain chips and calcium supplement… aka NACHOS. So much for the protein stuff.

At least last night I had managed to conquer the cheese. I was quite proud of self. Not that I ever get cheese and chips or cheese and pizza right.