Today’s prompt really got me thinking about my life with type-1 diabetes all these years. The prompt is:
We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you’ve made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small – think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.).
I don’t have a list of my diabetes accomplishments. Heck I am really taking a cheat on this one. Way back when I was first diagnosed, I remember certain thoughts and things that went through my head. Back when I was clueless, when I was lost, when I truly had no direction or guidance. I was a mental case I think on some level. I had so many stupid fears because of the stereotypes and misinformation people gave me.
The biggest fear that I had as a kid was don’t let your blood sugar stay high, you will lose a limb or something like that. Yeah, that’s something great to tell a 15 year old kid. So what did I do? Everything possible to make sure I was never high. I over injected for everything. I mean everything. When I tested, which was not often, I don’t think I was often over 135. I’d say I would check my log book, but I made those numbers out. My a1c post diagnosis and when my parents stopped looking over my shoulder dropped and stayed in the 6 – 6.5 range. So no one ever questioned anything.
My doctor was happy, I was happy. I still had everything attached to me. Who cared that I was taking roughly about 25 units of NPH/Humulin etc. in the morning with 20/25 units of Humalog. Roughly the same at night as well. People wonder why I am hypo unaware… Well I spent probably 1/2 – 3/4’s of my days low. All to keep at bay the side effects I was so terrified of.
Now, I realize how much of an idiot I was. How I fell pray to such stupid misinformation. These are the things we need to work on. These are the things we need to fight. Not the name change. We need to fight misinformation.
Honestly my biggest accomplishment is the fact that I managed to survive myself. How are things now? Better. Not 100% ask my worry wart friends (I say that with love.). I am still struggling some times to fight these fears that I had since I was a kid. There is nothing I can do about that. Well I mean work on it, and try to overcome the issue, which I am doing still. Yes, I am doing it slowly. However, I am getting there.
So yeah. This is my biggest accomplishment. I have many minor ones, but this is the biggest one I have going for me right. I survived myself!
I mean when you are this cute as a kid, it’s a good thing I survived. Who would want to deprive the world of someone as cute as this.
(FYI this is years before diagnosis. I can’t find any freshman year diagnosis pics.)
I love your post. I don’t think you are an idiot at all. My doctors and parents told me pretty much the opposite, that being higher is better than being low when you are a child because they didn’t want to have to deal with any dangerous lows but now 15-20 years later, I am still afraid of getting low and I still haven’t been able to get an A1C below seven. And you were a cute kid!
Thanks. We all have our own fears. I am still terrified of going LOW, but I am better at the BS dance now.
You were an adorable child – thank goodness you stuck around.
I can’t imagine how scary it would be to be told at age 15 that if you let your sugars go high you would lose a limb. no wonder you nearly OD’d daily on insulin.
I fear for my kids with both sides of the coin – Im hoping they survive me.
sometimes when I go into my sons room at night to check his sugar and I see him in his monster pjs with his legs wrapped around some odd pillow or dangling over the side of his bed – completely unaware of me, of diabetes, of his future I get sad. I see his pump tubing twisting around in loops and I worry for him. Then in a split second I think of all the pwd that I have become friends with – you, the Scotts, Kerri, Karen, Sara, Kim, Christel – so many others too and I know he will be fine, better than fine. he will be strong and smart and savvy – just like all yall. Thank you for that.