So the only time I clean out my test kit is when I am going somewhere and I don’t want to throw test strips everywhere. Apparently I need to venture out more often.

Guess how many?!?!

I know in the picture above it looks like there are some in there, but you truly can’t gather the enormity of the pile. So I broke it into piles of 50.

145 Strips and I know some are lost or tossed

Oh and my penguin flashlight says “Hi.” It is rechargeable by pumping the flipper. It is AWESOME!!!

Since I have no cute dogs to film, no cute cats to film, no kids to film (cute I should add). I had some free time to think or catch up.
I was playing catch up with some of the blogs that I stalk yesterday(well today, but I am writing this for tomorrow, so Yesterday). Mike over at the The Diabetic’s Corner Booth, posted on his Friday Blog the various 5 words our meters could say to us. This started as a tweet between Jess and George! There are alot of links here, I apologize. But Mike’s comment at the hand of Diabetes and Zombies go hand and hand is what truly got my brain going on this one.
Diabetic Zombies are out there. This is also know as fuzzy or low brain. You know that feeling when you are kinda with it, but so completely not with it. People talk to you, you stare at them, thinking I want brains or where is my brain. You do something, and later when people tell you about it, you don’t remember it. There are pictures of stuff that when you see them you go, oh crap why don’t I remember that. Oh yeah, I was LOW! If I can find it later, I have a perfect example of low brain.

Normal or Zombie?? I was on the Sea of Galilee and I don’t remember this picture at all or the boat ride.

Diabetic zombies are crazy at times. Stuff happens and you can’t control or stop them. They have super human strength. They have no qualms about what they do now. Regrets later, but nothing at the time. The worst thing is, THEY ARE AMONG US! You don’t know when they will attack. The only way to stave them off is to throw glucose tabs down their throats, along with juice, soda, or anything else that is sweet and yummy.

Warning they are among us, you never know when they will attack. They could be the people standing right next to you.

Or pretty much everyone in this picture but Becca!

Look out, be careful, always have your sugar ready!!! RAAAAR!!!!! (Coulda used that last night, during DSMA I started to get the Zombie attack. I barely managed to make it through DSMA before I ran off to get OJ. That is another story. The story of WHEN OJ ATTACKS!!!!!)

I know, I know what a title. Imagine my chagrin last night at 11:00 when I went to be a good little doobie and get all of my pump stuff setup for an infusion site change in the AM (yes I still do that). I reach for my insulin and realize I never refilled the ‘scrip. Hence the #$%$#$ last night. So I refilled it online and decided to stretch between using my pump for basal today and supplement from my “reserve” or “emergency” via bolus.

Aaaw what the Fructose?!?!

Hey Idiot when you grab the last bottle you leave a note to refill 10 days after it happens!

It’s funny when we live in the world of D, we are told certain things. Make sure you go to your endocrinologist every 3 – 4 months. Make sure you keep your sugars in goal. Make sure you exercise.  Make sure you …. The list of do’s and don’ts can be overwhelming at times. But if we get in all in check maybe we feel like our eggs are in a row. We get all happy and see rainbows and unicorns.

Saw this last night and well I needed to find a good use for it.

Life for me and my D is kinda like that. I mean do I swag yes, do I go low YES, do I have Hi’s yes, do I want to kick and scream and throw stuff???? YES! But if I go to my endo, everything is fine by all accounts. Everything that I should be doing for my D is going according to plans. Sit down, relax, and have a cupcake.

But oddly enough, Diabetes is not the only thing I should be worrying about. Last night, in my over caffeinated attempts at sleep. I started to think about all of my eggs and to see how much of a proverbial row they are in. So yes, most things D are in a row. But since I moved to a new area last year I have yet to find a new Eye Doctor to have my eyes checked (fail). I found a new general doctor in a centralized location so that if I move, they are still nearby. Yet, I have yet to get them any of my back dated records, immunizations, current blood work, you know important stuff (fail). My knees are feeling my age on some days and I really should have them checked to see what I should/could be doing for them (fail). Sometime over the summer I pulled/tweaked my shoulder. I blame the giant Hot Dog I was wrestling. (It was attached to a boat, I was riding it). It also could have been due to the intense inner tube ride I had that day. It’s been over a month and I have done nothing about it (fail).

It’s funny how small or big our world can truly be. I mean nothing is ever settled. Just because we think we have our life sorted out. There is always something else to worry about. I have a list of things I need to do. Will I do them? Eventually yes. But I will forget, I will fail. I won’t follow through. It is an aspect of who I am and who we are. We seek perfection in all tasks in our own little environment and world. It is not always going to happen. Maybe for you, your other life is more organized, you get your knees checked, your eyes, your normal doctor stuff covered. Maybe your checkbook is balanced and your bills are paid off (crap, need to do that after this post). But maybe your numbers are where you want them to be, maybe you feel the urge to skip your endo. appointment or blood work (cough, cough Karen, I read your Blog).

It’s okay though. None of us and I mean NONE of us are going to ever achieve that perfection we crave in all or any aspects of our lives. We may want to. We may try. Yet we most likely will not have everything balanced, all the eggs lined up. Something will always be amiss. It sucks, it is annoying. It is a pain in the ass. Yet, it is our lives. The important thing is that we keep trying and heading forward. We keep moving our eggs slowly into line. Because if we ever do get them all there. We can crack them open and find this.

This was a amazing rainbow. Pictures don’t do it justice!! Fully formed end to end.

Remember I and you can do this.

This is what happens when I am 64 and don’t want to treat. I sort my rainbow to make it more fun. I want to know who took my Yellows though?!?! Sara? Jess?? Josh??? Kim???? Kerri????? Birdy??????

They are all in a row. I saved the yellows for last!

The title says it all. Today is just a rambling day for me. I have no plan for what I am writing. I have no direction, map, or clue. But I felt for some reason I should share my ramblings out loud or well inwardly read. ‘Cause unless you have some reader, reading my blog to you it is all in your head. Hell some of you don’t even know what I sound like. I mean for all I know you could be giving me some weird pitchy voice, southern accent, Barry White voice, or even worse you could think I was from Iowa, Nebraska, or something like that. Eeew. (See rambling)
I was reading blogs, following twitter, you know Monday morning stalking instead of doing work, balancing checkbook, paying bills… You know the big stuff. And I just so many things that made me a little jealous(?!?) Not sure if that is the right phrase. I mean we have people who are so excited about no hitters for the weekend. People celebrating diaversaries. People decorating offices with pictures (one of which I think I made it into). It is so awesome.There are people talking about the support of the DOC, which is great. Also, mentions of a meet up in a few weeks (that I am jealous  of, stupid job and people making me perform weddings). Others have spoken about getting things setup or already booked or kinda booked for FFL12.  (I need to find a roommate or plans or something to defray my costs this year).
So many plans, so many ideas, so many great things out there. Yet I sit here just like blah. You know I celebrate all of their joy and happiness. I love my friends of the DOC. Sometimes, I just am jealous of them too. They all have people to turn to, not that I don’t. Yet, they all also see each other from time to time, can make the plans, can travel in some ways, or their friends were made due to type-1 meet ups. It’s weird.
In the end, as active as I am in the community. As many friends as I have. All the fun I have there is still a strange loneliness. I can’t really explain it. I mean I have been doing this pretty much alone since January 1995. I am used to it. Now though I have gotten the taste of what its like to have people to chat with. To wander around a hotel with and when I start buzzing not have the “What’s that question?” or to walk around a lake and talk about any and everything on my mind. To complain about the fact that the run I just did has decided to make me go and live in the 43 mg/dl and how annoying it is.
It is not burn out, it is not hating the disease. I have moved well beyond it. I guess somehow my ramblings led me to a path of walking the path alone. I have a good friend who has type-1, we chat about things. In fact it was talking with her that helped me turn my own lack of care around. But it isn’t the same. I can’t explain it. I have truly made some totally awesome friends. Those in Missouri, Florida, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Iowa, Texas, Nebraska, Michigan. Yet, they are so FAR away. I mean, it’s not like I can hop into my private jet and fly to see them. It kinda sucks. I have made a bond with them, they get me, most get my sarcasm (one doesn’t), most will laugh at my bad jokes, its great. But now I don’t get to see them again until who knows when.
I am hoping next July if my vacation and funds allow it. But still it is weird. The support of the DOC is amazing, the friends are awesome. Just to damn far away. I think I may make a Diasphere and invite them all to come and live with me. It would make life so much easier.
You guys rock. Thanks for everything. I hope to see you soon.

Wow… How the heck did I get there from my beginning? See, I told you I didn’t know where I was going with this.

Yes, that’s right. My socks informed little ol’ Brian that he is an idiot. Yes Brian, not Brain or any other weird nickname people have for me. I am apparently an idiot. Why? Well there are many reasons why and I will mention some of them all via bullet point. Kerri is right(don’t tell her I said that though), bullet point is my favorite way to blog.

Here is reason number 1 as to why I am an idiot:

Yes, that’s right, my socks are telling me which belongs on my right foot and which belongs on my left foot. Here I was thinking this whole time you could wear any sock on any foot. How silly of me. (Could this picture have shown me with the socks on the wrong feet? Yes, but well I was tired, am tired and feeling like blah, and well people would expect that from me.)

Why else am I an idiot??

• Apparently after over 15 years of having diabetes, I still can’t figure out if I should or could be eating that sprinkly cupcake.
• That my going vegetarian was because I was a diabetic (that one is new to me).
• That just because something makes sense to me when I am low, doesn’t mean it makes sense to anyone else.
• That by now I should know a low before Beepy alerts me, when I see vacant expressions from above said comment.
• I should know that Ice Cream before bed wrecks havoc with my sugar levels and I really need to not use that as a snack when I need to bolus combo style to make it work.
• That if I bolus combo style before bed, I should be prepared to wake up a few hours later drenched in sweat and confusion, because I f-ed it up again.
• I should know that the only reason people laugh at most of my jokes in person, is because my laughing at self, forces others to laugh at me, not with me.
• I should allow sarcasm to function after 9:00. Otherwise, well it just doesn’t seem to work for me or others don’t process it well either.
• I must be an idiot also, because well I am sitting at my desk telling myself I feel like crap, I have nothing to do over in my office, and yet I am still sitting here arguing with myself that I should go back to bed. 
• Oh and I must be an idiot because I also realized that I may have had an incident with a piece of chocolate fudge cake and I may have not bolused for it as I see the magic double up arrows on Beepy telling me something right now. 

(Can’t post the picture for some odd reason. Sigh, but imagine something personal, chocolate ladden, immensely satisfying, and multiply it by like 30. That is what I ate….. Yummy. That might also add to why I feel so blah)

Peace, Love, Insulin, and Sprinkles

So i got a new Alert Bracelet. I was really excited and happy about it. I realized though I might have to trim it a bit though. I have really, tiny wrist. Like TINY! Look at how much I need to trim off to make it fit. Here is a size comparison.

My wrist is just bigger than a small think of Burt’s Bees Lip Balm. Sigh.

There is nothing more exciting and unexpected that will bring a smile to ones face than random mail. It seems odd that mail in the age of e-mail, twitter, Facetime, Google+ Hangout’s and whose its and whats it galore (oddly enough the random cycle of my iTunes library had those lyrics playing as I was typing this. Another unexpected smile). Mail is awesome. Last week when I was on vacation in the Outer Banks (cut short due to some stupid hurricane or something like that, I mailed post cards to some people. Just for chips and pringles. Some people got #complexcrabs, others got other random stuff. All in all though it was awesome.
When I came home, I had a few things sitting in my mailbox. 1.) Bills, eew. 2.) Birthday card from my friends the Haskell’s with a DD Gift Card in it. 3.) Birthday card from C , I laughed it was great. 4.) A small package from Jess and Josh. In it were a card and some penguins.

I love the hat!!!

That is all. But if you look there is an awesome cupcake winking at me, telling me to eat it. A nice letter, there is more on the other side, but well you don’t get to read all of my mail, weirdo’s. And the “Service Penguins”. While they are tiny, they are awesome. They don’t leave much of a mess, they can tolerate my air conditioning, feeding them is a charm. I just hate trying to put their shoes on. I just can’t get that training down. Anytime I try, it is all flapping arms and pecking. Apparently their training is a little rough still. However, they can make me smile and remind me to make sure my sugar is right so it is awesome. I love mail. Thank you Jess and Josh.

That brought an unexpected smile to my face.

Chatting with people makes me smile. Either the random conversations on twitter, the possible disruptions I cause in the #dsma chats, and “Hanging Out”. Awesome.

The other thing that can make me smile at times are the random diabetes bloopers we have. While I know there are more out there, this blooper occurred on Tuesday. I was at Target shopping and while waiting in line to check out Beepy McBeeperson started going off in my pocket. I pull him out, sure thing I was 47. Sigh. So along with soap, shampoo, Diet Pepsi, and a DVD, I added Reese’s Pieces to the list. I wander out of the store and pour a bunch into my hand, like 1/2 the package. A Yellow Jacket lands on my hand on my Pieces. (Did I mention I for some reason am terrified of Yellow Jackets?) So what do I do? Well like any, wise, civilized person. I throw the Reese’s into the air, scream, and run away flailing. I BLAME THE LOW!

So now I am out half a pack of Pieces, my dignity is all over the parking lot, people are staring at me. So what do I do? I fall over laughing. I mean, come on seriously? What else can I do? That made me smile unexpectedly. Who know a low could bring such joy to my face. Granted I do prefer mail to bees going after my low treatment.

Peace!

I can not claim to be an artist. I can not claim to have talent. I can claim that I had fun even if this was not what I was originally planning. I think it shaped up decently if nothing else. It was relaxing this morning.

I am working on a few other different posts. So today could be a multi-day for me. I am just waiting for my Service Penguin to calm down. It’s not a big fan of my trying to put shoes on it. :-p