Time is Fleeting (fair warning, I am apparently whining in this post)

Sometimes I convince myself I will just dive into my posts today, no tomorrow, maybe the next day, and truly distract myself from ever getting around to post anything. There is no answer as to why. Writer’s block, lack of conviction, or who knows. I know the ideas are there, maybe it’s the fact that sometimes I wonder if what I say reaches anyone. (This is not a sympathy seeking post as much as the content would seem like it is. Seriously, I’m not looking for that.) I know in my heart of hearts that I really don’t care if I reach anyone, but deep down I am sometimes amazed at the popularity of some of my other friends vs. me.

Alright, that pity party is over. When I started this, what I write in my blog is truly about me saying what I need to say. Sometimes/ofttimes being crazy or clever or just having a different view on things. This is what ere my blog tends to go. At least this is where I hope my blog is trying to go. Do I reach people yes. Do they like what I post, no complaints so far, so I am truly happy. I have my days, but I am not sure if today is one of them.

So the question of where I have been this month can be answered easily. I have had a lot of crap going on in my life. (Again what I write now is not something seeking sympathy, but just saying what needs to be said.) In the past month I have had two deaths in the family. One being my grandmother, my mothers mother and the other being an Uncle, my mothers brother. So things have been tough. Neither of these deaths were unexpected, the timing was just awkward. I buried my grandmother about a month ago and yesterday we I celebrated the memorial service for my Uncle’s family and friends in NJ.

To say these things haven’t been stressful or not an emotional drain at all would be a complete lie. It is very hard for someone in my line of work to grieve. Once the person passes, it magically has become my responsibility to comfort those who mourn, and that’s what I have been doing. It is expected that the priest fill this role and so, I have done what I could. Yet in the past few years as family has aged, it seems like more and more this is what I have been doing. Great, fine, whatever, but the thing that really chafes me is that my family expects me to bend over backwards to accommodate their needs or just plans on something without even making sure I am available. So instead when these things happen, I need to drop everything and do what needs to be done. Sometimes, they don’t even ask, they assume that I will be doing it and don’t understand when I am annoyed with that.

Man, it feels good to get that out into the open. What brings this entire post into full circle though and ties into the title of this post is something that I said yesterday at the memorial service for my Uncle and something I truly need to believe in. “When someone dies, we often say they lived so long or so short a life. Yet sometimes we forget about all that was accomplished in the time they had on this world.” My uncle was a teacher, an educator, a man dedicated to his students and to the entire process of education. The lives he reached were many and awesome. This is what truly matters, not the fact that he passed at 63 years of age, but in that time he did, X,Y, and Z.

This is something in my life that I am trying to look at and reflect upon. It’s not really how many people I have reached here at my little home on the internet, it’s the fact that I HAVE reached someone when they truly needed to hear something to help them. That is what truly matters at the end of the day. And truthfully, this is what I am trying to tell myself, not only here, but in everything I do.

I saw this picture online the other day and because of where I was that day, it truly hit me hard. However, I saw this and said man, this is something other people need to see and realize.

IMG_0110People fake stuff all the time, sometimes they/we need to be called on it. Sometimes we need to have our own time to vent or to grieve or do whatever it is. You know when that is. More so, you need to take the time to call bullshit.

However, I am not ending this post on such a poor note so….

IMG_0106

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20 thoughts on “Time is Fleeting (fair warning, I am apparently whining in this post)

  1. My condolences to you and your family. Losing a family member is never easy, especially when it’s more than one so close together. When I was younger we lost my great grandmother, grandfather and uncle all in a 4 month period – it was rough. Hopefully getting this out in the open helped you a bit.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear about the losses in your family. It’s a shame that, though you do well at comforting others, you don’t have the space to grieve yourself when you need it. And I think that,even without the last image, you weren’t ending on a poor note. In fact, that note was quite brilliant.

  3. your blog reached me. Im not entirely sure how that might not be enough. Seriously – that cat does look fabulous. Not really – I have many friends IRL and hiding in my computer. Sometimes I am lucky and the two come together. There are a handful of those that are both that have been a rock for me in my hardest times, a light in my darkest, and a laugh in my saddest. I may not get to see you each day/week/month but knowing you walk the earth with me is a great comfort and there are times like this last month I would have really like to have been near you – not for me – for you. You carry many burdens and few are your own and even less are chosen. I am sorry for the passing of your grandmother and uncle and for the sense of loss it left with your family and you. This post was a much needed reminder (for me at least) that it doesn’t really matter how long or how short of a life a person has – its whats done with it while it is being lived that matters. I sure hope when my time comes my friends and family will not measure my life in years but rather in the lives I’ve touched. Plus I do agree with Scott E above – while kitty kool is fabulous you spoke volumes in your words and didn’t end on a poor note. love you Brian.

  4. Sorry to hear about your family members. Whenever it is, it is always too soon. Hope you get the time and space to continue to put it all in perspective. This is a beautifully written post.

  5. I’m sorry, Brian.

    I understand the expectation of holding everything together when your heart feels like it’s crumbling inside your chest.

    Over the past year, I’ve dealt with quite a bit of grief — from places I never would have expected. Grief over a life lost…or, perhaps, one that never existed at all. But, chin up…there are children to raise, jobs to keep, and lives to live. No room for lingering sadness. Carry on.

    I hope you’ve found a peaceful moment to reflect and recover, and I hope you know your kind heart always shines.

    • Sometimes the unexpected curve balls are the worst. Look for your peace and I am worried, you said I have children to raise!?! My mom is gonna be pissed I never told her about her grandchildren.

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