So for those of you who have yet to figure this out. I am a sarcastic person. Well sarcastic may not be the exact proper word for who or what I am, but it is the answer that I am going to go with today. Dictionary.com defines Sarcasm as: harsh or bitter derision or irony or a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark. Yeah, that is me in a nutshell, but not so much. Apparently the quote, “sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” has been attributed to Oscar Wilde, but there is no written evidence of this either. Again, this is me, but I don’t think so. 

Sarcasm is a venue in which what we want to say can be said in such a way that others can relate and see what we mean. ???…??? Brian, what the hell did you just say? Exactly. Sarcasm is just that, something said. Normally no ill will is meant, yet it may appear to be. Yesterday, my post may have been a little sarcastic. It may have been directed at the expense of my friend, I think Sara. Ooh, Sara, look I linked to you on Twitter not just your blog! Drat. There I go again. Sarcasm for me is part of who I am. It is normally not meant to be offensive. It is not a defense mechanism, as it once was. It takes just as much work to be sarcastic as it does to refine every other bit of humor. 

I mean honestly, sarcasm can be hurtful. Yes, yes it can. So can jokes about someone. Sarcasm can be blunt. So can my fist. Sarcasm can be critical, so can a comment such as “you’re fat” or  “What the heck did you do to your hair”. Sarcasm can be many of these things. Yet it can also be who we are. It can be a way to make light of a situation. “Dude, I’m sorry you have diabetes. It must suck that you can’t have sugar and such.” “I can’t have sugar??!!!?!?!?! Oh chips and pringles. I’m gonna die!” “Can you eat cookies will they kill you?” “Normal cookies no, poison cookies, yes.” It is a means of conveying a point without brutally ripping someone apart. We all have had that moment of “… did you really just say that? How do I do this nicely or not so nicely?” I believe Kelly refers to is as sometimes flipping the bitch switch. Sometimes we reply nicely, sometimes we don’t. It doesn’t mean we hate you or truly mean to hurt your feelings. Yet sometimes when someone says something so unbelievable we move past sarcasm and may rip into you. See #takethatwendell.

I don’t normally go that far. For me sarcasm is just who I am. I have told people (Kerri) and others in the past. “If I don’t make fun of you or if I ignore you completely. That is how you know I don’t like you” So maybe I was sarcastic yesterday, but not to be mean. I love most if not all of my DOCers. I am who I am. I am unique. I am a diabetic. I am sarcastic. Deal with it. Know me, love me, hate me. Whatever, I don’t care. 

(As to where this idea or post came from. I don’t know. Guilt, sleep deprivation. An attempt to have another post. Who knows. Not me, not you, not anyone. Enjoy it or hate it.)

So last week I was having a very interesting, slightly snarcky conversation with Sara. I love Sara, she is an amazing person.

I LOVE YOU SARA.

I just want to state that pumpkins are a bitch to carve when you are using a knife normally meant to carve Roast Beast.

I don’t know who to blame for this maybe Sara, maybe somebody else, but over the past few weeks, month’s Friday’s I have noticed an explosion of the Faith Friday’s or just been more alert and awake as I blog stalk. I kinda liked the idea of the Faith Friday. So much better than my redited songs on Friday, not that I am saying the songs were bad. I was entertained, but this has a little more substance.
I think the title of without you goes a long way. There are so many things that people love and get excited about. New toys … Karen and her impatient waiting for her iPhone 4s (I am currently tormenting her online about it). New pets, Kim and any and all Billy Corgin reference (I would post some of them, but I think I have a limit as to how many hyperlinks can be contained in a post and well I don’t have the time to post all 1,000 of them anyway). Sorry Kimmy. New babies, kids, nephews, nieces, husbands, wives, the list goes on and on.
There are other more essential things we might not be able to live with out. Blue and Beepy McBeeperson are so important. They have turned my life around in so many ways. The past 3 plus years, my control and care has never been better. Never to late to turn our lives around and make the step in the right direction. Sadly after about a 2 year run, my transmitter may be slowly dying. I started to use my Dexcom roughly around June 15th, 2009. I didn’t mark the date, but I know it was late June. I have lost, killed, defected numerous receivers, but the transmitter just keeps going. It is great. I did get a new one last October since Dexcom called to tell me they could get me a new one free from insurance. But why get rid of one still working. One October later, I am still waiting for the puppy to die. The time is getting close, I think. The rep who called me a few weeks ago to tell me I was eligible for a new transmitter and receiver based upon last years reorder was kinda shocked when I told her the one from my initial order was still working. So I asked the all important question, how do I know when the transmitter is actually dying???

1. Limited range (kinda check)
2. Periods of being so completely off with the meter (kinda check)
3. ???? more frequently (kinda check, but it could be the sensor)
4. Transmitter fail (thank God not yet)

These are some of the hints I could face and see, but things are still hanging in there and holding on. So I am at the conundrum, if there is a chance that the transmitter may go in the next few weeks, do I change it this Monday? Monday is a free shower and a great chance to change it. I mean if the transmitter fails, do I lose that sensor as well, cause I would rather not lose the sensor, those buggers are expensive. So what to do. I DON”T KNOW!!!!
So yes, without Blue and Beepy, things would be different. Again, though this is only tech. There is the DOC, I can’t even talk about all of you here. I would lose focus and so get lost on my idea for the day. But look at the help and support you have given. Look at all of the posts from KC Simonpalooza. The comments, the videos, the complete jealousy on my part that I couldn’t be there. So many pictures, stories, hashtags, and videos. You support us all, you help us all. You all rock. Everyone in the DOC rocks, even if you think I hate you and I don’t. You know who you are KMS.
All of these things, are effective. All of these things are great. If I had to do this alone, could I? Probably, I dealt with shots, and 60 second blood tests. I lived 14 years without knowing about twitter, the DOC, and the various sites out there. I lived through it all. But how did I do this? Family and friends, sure. There is more though. My faith and belief in the Lord.
Wow, this took me FOREVER to get here. I am over caffeinated and rambly (new word) today. But truly. Anytime I am down or was down before the DOC and various tech. Anytime I was depressed. Anytime I was low and unable to do much as I waited for the sugar to kick in. I turned my life to prayer. Sometimes just outright prayer of CURE ME!!! Yet more so, it was to calm me, focus me, help me find perspective. It was my support and comfort. It was my hopes and dreams. It was what I had. I knew and know that while there were others out there helping me. I had the Lord to help me. The answers to my prayers and requests for help and guidance came. I stumbled upon others out there. I found a person a T1, who helped me sort some of my issues out. I found Juvenation, I found Kimpants and C. I found the DOC. I yelled Yippee!!! (Sorry bad rhymes and poetry happen).
I know that while I was lost I should have done better for myself. I know though that while my cure is still waiting and out there, one of my prayers has been answered. That being all of you, all of my friends, all of the DSMAers, Bloggers, and FFLers. All of you were part of my prayers and all of you were the answer I was looking for. Without you, without Him, I would be lost. Thank you for being one of the answers to my prayers.

Right as I was posting this, Kim tweeted this, I fell over laughing. “This is the most awesome magnet I’ve ever seen. WANT. http://outsidepeg.com/products/red-pembroke-welsh-corgi-magnet-all-ears(via @lisafromscratch – thank you!!!)”

Nothing freaks me out normally. Unless it is a freaky ass spider crawling out of my fan vent when driving 60 MPH. I got the bastard though.

Georgie Porgie, AKA Ninjabetic ( I want to be a ninja) proclaimed today to be no D day (still not sure how to list this title). The premise from his page is…. “October 7th is “No D-Day” and it means we spend one day not writing about, tweeting about, and Facebook status-ing about Diabetes!”
I thought it was kinda awesome and cool. Granted I don’t FB normally about D and twitter and I, while we do get along, I sometimes forget about him/her/it. So that was fine. Blogging is an inspirational thing. Friday Blogs are not always a gaurantee, but I figured ah what the fructose and said to myself, “self lets think about something to post about.” So that’s what I did. I thought and thought, picture Winnie the Pooh tapping his head saying, “think, think, think.” And finally I did come up with something.

I like to think I am a pretty organized person. Relatively tidy, a place for stuff and it usually ends up there. Key word being usually. Monday night after a rousing game of Ultimate Frisbee, I came back to my room. I took of my sneakers, put my cleats down and notice something.

A bloody shoe convention

WTF?? How did this happen. Half of my shoes escaped from my closet which is two shoes away… (test, test, is this thing on?) and were all gathered to play with each other.

So I thought to myself, Brian you need to do something about this otherwise you will kill yourself when you get out of bed in the morning. So I took the time gathered each pair lovingly and put them back into the closet.  All’s good or so I thought…..

Tuesday is my one day off a week. I love Tuesday, I sleep in, make me some breakfast, maybe hit up a movie. Who knows what I will do. It is just a good day. I wandered back into my rooms circa 2:00 napped, went for a run. Sat down on my chair and found this staring at me….

I know I put you away

Today’s shoes having another convention in my “living room”. I just don’t get it. I know I put you away. Later in the day apparently the Flip Flops made it into the mix, not on purpose but I was to amused to take a picture.
Some people apparently have shoe/foot fetishes or something like that. I apparently have this urge to liberate my shoes all over my room and hope that they don’t kill me. They have come close and I am pretty sure it’s a conspiracy, but I just can’t prove it. If you find out that I am dead and the cause is blunt trauma to the head just assume I tripped over a pair of my liberated shoes!

Dear Irony,
You are so not funny. No matter when you sneak into my room. I just don’t care for your sense of humor. Just because last week I mentioned night time lows does not mean you had to slip in on my last night. Yes I know it’s all my fault. I did eat the Apple Compote (or however the hell you spell it) on my own. Yes I had to swag it since I really had no clue how to figure that yumminess out. But did you have to smack me in the face at 3:45 in the morning?? So not cool.
You know what else is not cool, the panic trying to figure out what time it is, just so I didn’t over sleep. The unbearable lack of any coherent body movement as I tried to reach the 50 count bottle of Wild Berry Dex 4 Tablets. The fact that I downed more than I needed, but just wanted it to end. My room was cold enough and now that I am drenched in sweat, frikin freezing. Come on I don’t have a Mr. Bigglesworth. So not cool.
That was this morning. Thankfully I survived, but you just let the irony continue. I mean it is 2:00 in the afternoon. I have had coffee, breakfast, lunch, and brushed my teeth, yet I still taste glucose tab in my mouth. What the fructose is up with that? I had to go and buy more glucose tabs, but thanks to sleuthy Jess over at Me and D I found out that Walgreens has been selling the new Dex 4 Naturals even though they do not show up on the Dex4 Website. Weird.

I got a free bottle of these when I was at this years Friends for Life. They are pretty good in the glucose tab department. Not as much after taste, which I am/was hoping for. So now I have 100 of these bad boys in two different locations. But still, Irony why??
The good news was once I recovered some functionality of my body I was smart about it. I got up, I moved around and stretched a little. I took some Advil since I knew I was going to be sore and have a headache. I bolused lightly to keep the glucoaster in check as much as possible. I topped out at 186 this morning. So yeah, its all good. I just hate it. The lows, the fact that even though Beepy is next to my ear and beeping and vibrating up a storm I sleep through it. The fact that I still haven’t figured out what to do if an even worse low hits. That’s my own stupid pride. I will get to it one day.
Dear Irony, you taught me a lesson. Go home and take this bloody glucose tab taste out of my mouth!

This weeks WW came to me two weeks ago when I was low, and was one of the few things scribbled on the post it note in last weeks blog. Hence why I did not make the picture clear. I is smarter than I seem.

Both cost $600 retail

People line up for the latest and greatest. Are willing to pay anything for the newest bit of tech, especially when it has that weird Apple Logo on it (guilty at times). Yet the item on the right is so much more important and people can’t afford to get their insulin supply because of the cost. We supplement cell phones, why not insulin. Let’s be honest here. How much is the markup on each bottle of insulin??

Today is kind of a continuation of yesterday’s blog. Do I really need the link?? Nope, but what the hell, why not? I was hoping to get some type of response from my questions yesterday, but I know sometimes things may be delayed. If I see something, I will make sure to share them all.
I use the title now what? for a reason. While technically I have other people that live with me. I live by myself. It is me verses any and all demons I may face at night. It could be the imagined weird demons that I sometimes dream about. It could be the lifelike nightmares of OMG, I just got robbed and now I am trying to fix a dated Ice Cream dispensing machine at a bar (That dream is courtesy of my post mass nap at 7:30 this morning, so bizarre). To the worst demon of all, the 2:00 low. I hate the 2:00 low, I mean sometimes I will just wake up and realize, aaw sprinkles I’m low. Those I can handle, that is what the handy bottle of Dex4 glucose tabs is there for right?? I pop a few and pass out in exhaustion. I realize this is not the best way to handle things, but I don’t sleep well as it is, so the near catatonia of a low makes falling asleep so much easier. That I can handle.
It is the other demon, I am not a big fan of, it seems to happen only when I have some strange ass combination of pizza, dairy, or something. I call it the combo bolus fail or the near death temp basal. Neither of these demons are fun. Usually for me, I wake up in a pool of sweat, soaked through sheets, pillows, penguin footy pajamas (i wish I had those), in an obvious daze. This is coupled by the realization that I am low. Next the panic of either a. my arms are asleep (WHERE THE FRUCTOSE DID MY ARMS GO??) panic or the b. I moved my arm to the right and it just poked me in the eye, WTF?!?! Oh I hate letter b. thank goodness he only comes and visits very, very, infrequently. He knows I don’t like him.
In either case though, you are stuck lying there without the ability to really do anything. I have to be patient and hope that I will eventually get enough fine motor control to get to the glucose just out of arms length away. After what seems like forever, I am able to master enough fine motor control to get my glucose tabs, I do my best to jam a few in my mouth, my nose, ear, all over the bed. You know, whatever my hand feels like doing. But now what?

See, I eventually got to my title. I sometimes ramble, that is another story.

A very muzzy (I was going with vague, but I checked my Thesaurus and was all over the word muzzy) title I know, but it’s because sometimes that is how things feel to me. This thought was generated Tuesday night as I was low, but it goes back to last week as well. So I guess I should start at the beginning and not the end or middle or where ever the heck we are starting.

Once upon a time, it was a Wednesday night. Brian in his normal routine or well now his normal routine sat down at his comfy desk and participated (sarcastically made fun of people and talked slightly piratey) in the #DSMA that happens every Wednesday on Twitter. I was minding my own business as is always the case, when Captain Low Ass appeared, not sure where that came from but I am going with it. It was probably about 10:02, when he finally attacked. Sadly, oddly, my CGM slowly trickled down not the double dip or what so I never was alarmed about this occurrence. I was picking on Sara about something when she tweeted back, something along the lines of, “I’m still waiting on your e-mail.” Nothing bad, wrong, or hurtful about it.

For some reason though, the attack of Captain Low Ass and the comment just did it. I had not reply, retort, comment for her. My brain had momentarily died. It was at that point that I realized that this was happening in the first place. So I tested since Beepy was delayed and low and behold I was 46. Get it low… Sorry. So I did what I normally like to do, raid the fridge. I went down stairs and not trusting my self with a glass started to imbibe some OJ. Well imbibe is not the right word. I drank some of it, my shirt and the floor got the rest of it. Problem solved. At the same time, I had one of my genius lows. This time I even noted, I should jot down what I was thinking. So I run back upstairs and start trying to get my thoughts out onto a post it note with a pencil. I didn’t have much success as pictured below.

You don’t actually need to see what I wrote. It was creative cursing at its best. But also a blog post idea, no hints.

I got so pissed, angry, and actually teared up. Last Wednesday Diabetes made me cry. Probably for like the second time in my life. I can handle it. I can deal with it most of the time. But the low, the brain dead, the inability to have a thought, everything just made me cry. It was like a 10 second affair. Yet, it still pissed me off to the nth degree. I wrote a note to my diabetes in word after about 10 minutes. It was about a paragraph long. I did not save it. I just vented and yelled at it. I let it know I was angry. And I moved on, I think, but I am still resentful of Wednesday of last week.

Fast forward to last night. I was in bed, minding my own business watching Voyager on my iPad, (I so love Netflix). I finished, I curled up to sleep at around 11:55. I woke up at 12:08 feeling low. Brain numb, not body numb low. Reached over popped some tabs. And fell back into a slumber. I know not the best thing, but I was so out of it. I am glad I was alert enough to treat. This is where everything leads to. The muzzy title and all. How do you deal??

How do you deal with the night time lows or the lows in general? Do you have a plan? I am jealous of all my friends out there who have their other or better half. Their type awesome who helps them out. But there are some who are just type 1’s on their own. I have no back up plan. I have nothing. My friend Jeanette called me a few weeks ago and told me about a low she had (she lives like 20 minutes away). Her parents were out of town and it was just her. As she was telling me this, she spoke of calling her neighbor at like 12:00 in the morning and them coming over and getting her drink and just making sure she was okay. I don’t have that. I realized, I don’t have a back up plan. It’s just me verse the low and I always hope I can win. So far so good. But what do you do? I don’t have a Becca, I don’t have a reliable service penguin to warn me. I have me and my dashing sense of humor.

What is your emergency plan? Can I steal it? Let me know, so I can truly look at it and pass it on to those who read me.